We're Off To See The Wizard...

[Jake Wallace]

Jake threw his stuff around his already messy room, cursing the stupid RA and looking for his baggie. His dormitory room was normally messy, as he only cleaned it out when he feared the paint might peal. Right now, in the second week of term, it was at its usual state of disarray. Some clothes where strewn about, the bed was unmade, and the desk was unorganized, but it wasn’t too bad. He pulled open his nightstand drawer and opened a hardcover copy of the Holy Bible. There was a square cut through the pages where he kept the little Ziploc baggie, which was now almost empty. Jake opened it, and breathed in heavily through his nose. He should have stolen more from Tony before he left-he had taken a little less than ounce before leaving two weeks ago.

He stuffed the bag into his pocket, and stepped over the jeans he had worn the night before to get to his desk. He pushed some things aside and found a pen and paper, which he shoved in his other pocket. Biting his nails, he walked back out the door and into the hallway.

Once outside, he hesitated. Jake’s room was in the Senior Housing Building, across from the girl’s dormitories. He remembered his retarded promise to Hadley and figured it wouldn’t hurt to drop by her room. She probably wouldn’t even be there anyway. With that, he walked curtly off towards her building, scratching his head and feeling as if he was being followed, which wouldn’t have been a first. He had had the same feeling when he was thirteen, on that oh-so-fateful camping trip.

He walked around the building. He was familiar with the girl’s buildings, only because he had skunked around there so many times for Wynne. His whole Freshman year, he had dragged his pathetic ass around the four big structures, scamming on older girls and getting dirty looks. For half of Freshman year, he had avoided Wynne in particular because she was always with Jade, who had kicked him in the balls for winking at her. He only ended up talking to her when they were paired up at a table in one of their classes, and Jake told her flat out he would sooner lick her friend’s uptight ass than work. Oh, to be fourteen again. To get the point across, he mimed licking Jade’s butt when she bent over near him.

He found himself at the Junior building. Wrong building, he reminded himself. Hadley was a Sophomore. He meandered over to the building until he reached the door marked Chase. Without hesitation, he banged on the door, and shouted “Booty call!”

At first he didn’t hear anything. He waited for a couple seconds, and then kicked on the door and shouted, “Listen, do you want me or not? It’s not every day you’ll get a good-looking Junior male at your door.”

[Gahhhhh suckkkkkssssss but whateverrrr]

[Hadley Chase]

Hadley hated black and white films. While some people found them cultural and sophisticated with their contrast of dull shades and the subtitles running across the bottom of the screen Hadley found them false. Life was meant to be in colour. Therefore movies, as an overdramatised version of life, were too meant to be in colour. Black and white films just couldn’t capture the raw emotions that came with the vibrant tones of red, green, yellow and blue. Coloured represented more than just what light an object absorbed and reflected. It symbolised feelings of passion, suppression and sheer moments of ultimate happiness where everything gleamed in an array so vicious it was blinding.

In the movies taking drugs launched you into a magical wonderland where all moments and feelings were magnified, blown up like a balloon just under explosion point. Everything went faster, the feeling of life at its finest pulsed through your body. You felt truly alive and at some point invincible. As though you could take on the whole world and still be back in time for lunch, another victory tucked under your belt. Everything was funnier, smarter and laughter echoed through the room, at thoughts so dumb they would have deserved nothing more than a characterised role of the eyes. Hadley had never taken drugs, had never experienced the rush or the plummet. She had never felt the craving for pot or the untouchable feeling it left you. She had never even been tempted. And yet that morning as she had strolled the campus, bare feet kicking at the grass, her cheeks slightly pink from the early morning, she had bumped into Jake Wallace. For a boy she had hardly had a lot to do with he’d managed to spill to her a secret concerning his intake of pot and his girlfriend Wynne’s jealousy. It was true that Wynne and Hadley weren’t on the best of footing, mostly because of her association with Miss Bitch-Who-Believes-She-Is-So-Much-Better-Than-Everyone-Else-But-Is-Sadly-Mistaken…aka Jade. What Hadley didn’t get was how a girl so smart as Wynne’s grades reflected on her, could befriend such a cow. Was it stupidity or security? Or something she had missed?

Habit had left Hadley bent beside her suitcase; clothes tossed aside and the cool of her bottle between her fingertips. Perhaps she wasn’t so different from Jake. He had his pot, she had her alcohol. Both were up for expulsion if they were caught. Both were playing with fire and secrets behind closed doors. She turned the bottle over in her hands, smoothing the label. The clear liquid flowed soothingly inside. Vodka. Her baby, stolen from her father’s stash. She’d laughed when she’d done it. He deserved all that came to him. A stab of guilt prodded her insides as she frowned.

A voice at the door caused Hadley to stop, panic rose within her. And then she lurched into action. Snatching up her jacket she stuffed the bottle back into it and plunged the garment and her secrets into the suitcase before her. Hurriedly throwing clothes on top she stood with equal speed and stumbled just as her door was kicked open. Breathing out she shook back her hair and stared at him. Jake Wallace.

Hadley pulled a face, turned from him to catch her breath and almost tripped over her still-packed suitcase.

“I prefer Seniors but I guess you’ll have to do. “

She shook her head and turned to face him.

“You know I do believe you’re supposed to wait for an answer before you come barging in.”

Eyeing the door that he had kicked open so ruthlessly Hadley flicked her eyes at her suitcase. No sight of the bottle, no evidence. She’d been lucky that time.

“So, Jake, to what do I owe the pleasure? Other than middle of the day sex.”

[Jake Wallace]

If Jake was someone else, he would have been caught off-guard by the appearance of a flushed redhead, her hair tousled temptingly, right in front of him. But Jake was Jake was Jake, and Jake Jake Jake was never caught off-guard. He couldn’t stop his eyebrows from raising a little bit, however, as he took her in. He flung himself onto her bed and resumed the pose he had struck with Wynne only fifteen minutes before: hands folded behind his head. He looked at her ceiling, and then back down at her. She looked very uncomfortable.

“Yeah, I know how you Sophomores are.”

He said, grabbing a water bottle off her nightstand and emptying it. His heart was racing, like when he was with Wynne sometimes, but he didn’t think it was because he felt about Hadley the way he felt about Wynne. Right now, being in this girls room, acting casual and unceremonial about being on her bed, made him feel sort of alive. He would never cheat on Wynne. Ever. Because he knew, Wynne’s brain could power a truck to the moon, whereas his couldn’t even power his ass off the couch. He threw the bottle at her and rubbed his eyes.

“I’m older than you, I can do whatever I want. And what’re you hiding?”

He said, eyeing her shiftily. She looked pretty sketch to him. He sat up on her bed, hoping to find what she had been doing right before he came in-probably hiding a dead body or something. After a second, he flipped over on her mattress and spat on her pillow, then ground it in with his palm. He did this kind of thing to Wynne sometimes. He would take off his pants or shirt, rub them on his skin, then drop them on her floor, at which point he would say,

“To remember me by.”

He patted the pillow.

“And don’t say sex, it’s a bad word.”

His heart had actually stopped when she mentioned sex. This time, however, he was better at hiding it. He didn’t even look at her when he gave his reply. Sex was one of those things that Jake could spend all his days thinking about, and all his words trying to steer Wynne towards it, but when the time came…he’d probably chicken out. Which was why he would have to be really baked or really drunk when the time came so that he wouldn’t even know it was happening. At least then he would be able to get over one of the major hurtles in life. He had already done the I Caught My Brother Having Sex Under the Christmas Tree hurtle, which every kid did, so what was next? Not Mimi the Stripper Who Accidentally-On-Purpose Showed Me Her Boobs At Christmas Dinner.

“And I’m here because you’re in luck, Fruity. Because you like Seniors so much I thought I’d bring you to meet my good, horny friend Jason. I’m sure he’d be willing to meet your sexual appetite at this hour.”

He had almost said, “Remember, I have a girlfriend,” but for some reason, he stopped himself. She knew he had a girlfriend. She wasn’t flirting with him, she was making a joke. Actually, if Jake was to be honest with himself, she was definitely flirting, but he wasn’t honest with himself.

Why had he so completely forgotten the fact that he had left his girlfriend on the ground with The Ice Queen, who would probably drive Wynne up the wall with stories about how he was senselessly screwing a Sophomore she hated? Why had he forgotten the fact that Wynne could turn invisible at will? Because Jake, as aforementioned, was a boy, currently in the presence of a girl. And so what if the girl wasn’t his girlfriend. Wynne was hanging out with guys right now. There was Seth, who was too much of a girl thingy to break up with his girlfriend, and Flick, who…whose ass he could pound into the ground if he looked at Wynne the wrong way.

Do-o-on’t look at Hadley, Jake. Don’t be a hypocrite.

"Anyway, take your whatever it is that you are hiding, hide it better, and we're going to go find Jason."

And with that, he jumped off her bed, and walked out of her room, towards the Senior Boys’ Building.

[Hadley Chase]

Boys will be boys, a statement her mother used to whisper in her ear when Hadley was about ready to take on the entire male section of her family single-handedly. They’d drive her up the wall with their antics and pestering habits. Always at her, always in her things, ruining her things she might add. How many items had fallen prisoner to their unforgiving merciless hands of childlike innocence? How many times had she heard ‘they don’t know any better’ over tearful fits from the younger ones as Hadley had stood glaring at the pieces of another of HER treasures. Living with seven boys was many things, a challenge, an adventure, a nuisance and a constant argument. If she wanted to watch a movie on TV it didn’t matter because she was outvoted and forced into watching racing car drivers speed around tracks and then attempt to put words together. Overtime she learnt that it didn’t truly matter what she wanted, boys would always get their own way and wouldn’t listen to any protests.

And that was why Hadley stood there, making a point to duck the flying water bottle, head slightly at an angle watching his antics. She had to admit, he was rather amusing….and disgusting. Did he seriously just spit on her pillow? Wrinkling her nose Hadley crossed her arms, protests that she wasn’t hiding anything lost on her tongue. She was a terrible liar, there was no point arguing when any word that left her mouth would fall against her. Traitors.

And don’t say sex, it’s a bad word.

“Only to the inexperienced.”

Ha.

Hadley pushed his feet of the end of her bed and sat down. This was her room after all, regardless of what an onlooker might think if they entered five seconds previous. He was the intruder, not her and yet there he was lounging across her bed, spitting in her pillow…making himself right at home. He certainly belonged there more than she did; the girl who couldn’t even unpack her suitcase yet looked as though she had barely moved in, had barely found the comfort he had seized upon entrance.

“Wait- Fruity?” A raised eyebrow accompanied the word. This was indeed the most strange occurrence since she had arrived.

If Hadley had been any other sophomore she would have squealed with delight at the thought of an adorable junior in her room. Instead she found herself amused. She was used to dealing with boys, she was used to dealing with immature boys and she was used to dealing with the whole fan girl part that proceeded older boys. After all she did have an older brother. An older, attractive brother.

Giving up on words Hadley laughed, shook her head and taking a final glance around the room, followed him.

Sometimes you just had to go with it.

[Jake Wallace]

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Jake cried over his shoulder. “Dissssssssss.”

Jake didn’t even have a good comeback for Hadley’s retort. This girl was good. Did she play tennis or something? Tennis made for nice asses, that was for damn sure. Jake slowed so that she could walk in front of him and he could check if she had a nice ass. Not that he cared. Wynne had a great ass. But, then again, it wasn’t like checking out another girl was like, wrong or something. Okay, it kind of was, but as long as Jake was a good boy and kept his hands to himself, he was fine. Wynne probably rated guys from one to ten all the time.

God, why was he doing this? In the last two weeks, in the last twenty-four hours, even, he was quickly flushing his relationship down the fucking toilet. He halted his footsteps for a second. He really, suddenly did not have a good feeling about this-about any of this. He shouldn’t be with Hadley, and he definitely shouldn’t be going to see Jason Reynolds about a certain loose wig.

“Hey, wait,” he said, uncertainly for once. “I shouldn’t do this, huh? Like…This is bad.”

He met Hadleys’ eyes, then blinked, shrugged, and kept walking. It was always better to keep moving, and besides, Jake was now caught in a vicious cycle. If he smoked pot and hung out with Hadley, he would get stressed out about not being with Wynne. If he got stressed out, he would want to smoke more pot, which, in turn, would stress him out, and so on until he finally cracked under the pressure and either told Wynne about everything, waited until she found out herself, or killed himself, Wynne, or Hadley just to simplify things.

That was an interesting thought. Who would he kill? He was really the guilty one here, but only self-absorbed emos committed suicide. He wasn’t that much of a loser. He couldn’t kill Wynne because-well, he loved her, and because she didn’t even know what was going on. He couldn’t kill Hadley because…oh who was he kidding? She was the succubus in this whole thing. She was Eve, or whatever the Bible said. He was Eve, minus a couple things and plus a couple things, and she the snake…whatever. No, he was definitely the snake… He blinked. Whatever, she was being slutty. Right? But she shouldn’t be killed for that. Maybe…

Maybe spanked.

“Just incase you forgot, I have a girlfriend.” Jake said levelly, more to remind himself than Hadley. “And like…yeah.”

He felt like shouting, “Awkward silence!” but he didn’t. Instead, he took the pen, paper, and baggie out of his pocket, wrote Tighten my wig, Penishead. Thanks douche-a-loosh. He knocked on the door, waited a moment, then opened the door and threw the paper and bag inside. He caught a whiff of cigarette smoke and alcohol before he closed the door.

“Well, that’s that. I don’t know if you’re disappointed, because although I may be inexperienced in the whole Birds and Bees thing, I know you’re inexperienced in the whole Smoking Weed thing. And I know you’re dying to find an excuse to rip off my clothes and have yourself a Jake Sandwich.”

He said the last sentence in a bored voice, then sank down against the wall.

“So talk to me. What were you hiding back there? Lingerie? I bet it was. Skimpy lingerie that you don’t want anyone to see because it’s crotchless and flavored and skanky. Or-or booze? It was booze. You booze all the time. Why would you do that? Why? That’s so unhealthy. Or was it a boy-bits of a boy. You cut him up, you sick freak. Is that what you’re going to do with me? Force me into your lair of succubusness, get my seed and cut me up? That’s not nice. I think I’ll save my seed, thanks, for some girl who’s not quite as…patchy…as you. Like, a chick who isn’t all fungusy down where you don’t want any fungus. There’s medication for that, you know. It’s called a yeast infection. Just go buy something for it, and use protection next time, sweetheart.”

[Hadley Chase]

Hadley blinked. At each and every insult that poured clean from his lips.

“Is this some kind of guilty conscience break down thing? Because I don’t think I’m qualified to deal with that.”

Something burned within Hadley. Maybe it was the red head- red temper thing but she had a feeling it was the repetitiveness with all words slut related. Two days after the big blow up at her house, when the dust was beginning to settle and the little kids were off playing in the backyard Hadley had caught Marcus and Michael going through their father’s drawers and cell phone. Hunting she presumed. Hunting for evidence, for closure, for just that little something of solid proof seen with their eyes so they could officially hate him forever. It was tiresome being confused, of being slit in two, divided between loyalty to the old dad and the betrayal that every family member now carried with them like a second heart. It burned every time they breathed. It reminded them it was there and that wasn’t going to change.

Hadley had wanted the same type of closure but she’d wanted specifics. She’d wanted a name and not just any name. Her name. The name of the woman that had led her father to temptation, that had so viciously left her family in ruins while she enjoyed her fleeting moments of fun. And when she had that name she wanted to round up all seven of her brothers and sisters, holding the twins by her hands and William clutching Patrick James on his hip and they’d go and they’d knock on her door and show her what she’d done to them.

Of course Hadley hadn’t found a name. And of course she never would have put her kid siblings through such an awful thing as to look upon a woman so undeserving but that hadn’t stopped her from searching.

Hadley took four steps away from him. She was poised to run. To just up and leave. She didn’t need this bull shit. These ridiculous accusations. Yes I cut up boys-bits and I enjoy it to. Every second of it. In her current state of mind it could even be considered that he was giving her eyes, twisted ideas. What she wouldn’t give to punish every man for her father’s mistake.

“Wallace I’m the last person on earth who would want to tear apart a relationship. Even if it was between you and Miss Know-It-All.”

Hey, her and Wynne weren’t the best of friends but she didn’t want to put her through that.

Hadley kicked at the ground with her toe. He didn’t know what he was doing to her. Treating her with unthought words that twisted. What was she doing with herself? She was out with another’s boyfriend? Flirting or just teasing? Where was the line drawn? And what was the difference between what she was doing and what her father had done with that woman?

Her knees slipped and she fell to the floor with a bump. Curling her legs out from under her Hadley shook her head.

Why do we always become things that we hate?

[Jake Wallace]

[hecksa short, but at least I didn't take like a fucking hour]

Suddenly Jake had touched a nerve. He didn’t know where he had gone wrong-the lingerie? The fungus? But there was no doubt- Jake had crossed the line. He watched her temper heat up to match her hair color, his eyebrows slightly raised again. As a male, he normally would have freaked out about having his sweet, happy little thing turn around and bite him. Most boys wouldn’t have been able to hold a suddenly scalding-hot piece, but Jake was unfazable. He didn’t want to know what he had said that had made her angry-this was what he had seen in her earlier, this mysterious thing he had to know about. Now, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know anymore.

Even though he was supposed to remain calm under pressure and let her cool off, he had to jump in when she mentioned Wynne. That was where he had gone wrong.

“Hey, hush, she’s awesome.”

That was all he said. He said it mildly, instead of how he usually would have said it (Shut up! I love that skinny little bitch!). He watched her sink down in front of him, almost fascinated. He was very, very tempted to ask if it was the booze or the lingerie, but he kept his mouth closed, for once.

He leaned his head back and tapped the wall with his head, then looked back at her, squarely, trying to gauge what had happened. She had even called him “Wallace” which to him sounded like a…sheep or something. Without thinking, he reached out and touched a lock of her hair, and tugged on it a little bit. He really wanted to say something, or do something, but he didn’t know how to say it. He hated silence. If he was with Wynne, he would have…tried to read her mind or something. But when was he ever good at that. Umm…never.

“Well, hypothetically, what would you do if I kissed you right this very moment?”

He let go of her hair, and pressed his spine back against the wall. He set the bomb very lightly down in front of her, and it was up to her whether to let it explode or stop it. He didn’t want to kiss her, he just wanted to know what she’d do. Well, he kind of did want to kiss her a little, little bit, but he would rather…rather kiss Wynne. He would rather have Jason get the hell to his dormitory and tighten Jake’s fricking wig already so Jake could…do something. He wanted to know what Hadley was hiding.

That was what he wanted to know.

[Hadley Chase]

He touched her hair. She felt the tug for her eyes were not watching him. She felt the tug and she slipped into something so real she almost forgot where she was. She wasn’t home and she wasn’t safe. Everything was not all right; in fact it was barely close. She was sitting on the ground, a junior in front of her. A junior with a girlfriend who had just asked her- what!?

Hadley’s head jerked upwards. What kind of a question was that? She felt almost- almost- words were lost on her. She looked at him for a joke and found none. What kind of a game was this.

After a pause Hadley bit down on her bottom lip, her eyes watching him, blue, unsure.

“I’d-kiss you back.” She paused. “And hate myself for it.”

Hadley hung her head in what she presumed was shame. And that was the real truth of it. She would kiss him back and heck, she’d probably even enjoy doing it but then she was just like her. She’d be not better than the home wrecker that had trashed her life without a seconds thought. For a split second Hadley saw her father in this position, he as Jake, she as the nameless woman. For the first time she imagined her father being temptress and the woman obliging. For the first time she saw the woman completely faultless within the exception of giving into hormone and fleeting moments of passion.

Ever since she’d learned of the disloyalty she’d been careful in her home. Not just careful with her words, in particular to her mother and the younger ones, but careful with her thoughts. Had she been in their home? In their family home? Had she been in her parent’s bed? Had she seen the pictures of the mantle piece and marvelled at the good looks of his children while unbuttoning his shirt and loosening his tie? Had she even known he had kids? If she hadn’t Hadley wouldn’t have blamed her…as much. But if she hadn’t known then she certainly hadn’t seen their house. There was no possible way a man could conceal the fact that he had eight children. Essence of it clung to air, hovered in the rooms, scattered toys, the bedrooms, doors closed, the front and back yard, the fort and tyre swing. So it would have been her house or a motel. He could steal across the night like a shadow, a secret, playing his own game of pretend.

And the final question that haunted her every moment of her life; Did he regret it?

Hadley would never ask for the answer alone would seal the rest of her life, her families fate. She knew her mother was hurt. She knew she cried herself to sleep and hugged herself tight around her middle. She knew that betrayal wasn’t the only thing she screamed into her pillow. Hadley was a fool to think she was the only one hurt and she didn’t plan on being a fool. They were staying together for the children at the moment. Heavens Patrick James Junior was only four and the twins six. They needed two parents and how could one raise eight kids?

Hadley kneaded her forehead with her fists. Was that the problem? The fact that she could see her own flaws in the mirror when she saw him, that she saw this as being her fault. Perhaps, she could have played a trigger point. A mutant for a daughter, it was an option for certain.

I hate myself so you can’t.

[Jake Wallace]

There was a tense moment, punctuated only by Hadley’s dry little confession. So it was out. They both would have done it right then and there, and they both would have hated themselves afterwards. But…while it was happening-what then? They could make it last forever, and they would never have to feel bad about it that way. But “forever” was reserved for Wynne, as far as Jake was concerned.

The classic battle of the Little Devil Man and the Little Angel Man in the Little White Toga. He could actually hear them talking.

The silence was so complete, he felt as if something had slid into place, like the last peace of a puzzle. The air was thick with sexual tension, so much that the cliché was more true than it had ever been ever before in history. Ever. He could have cut the air with a knife. I hot, sticky butter knife, slowly cutting away at the force that was pulling his head through millions of layers of molasses towards this girl who was so obviously fucked up worse maybe even than Wynne.

His breathing was shallow, his lips were dry, his voice was hoarse, and his face was inches from Hadley Chase’s.

“You know,” he growled. “when you love someone, it’s like, you’re this close to them and if you don’t touch them then fuck-you’re on your own, man. You…you have to, like, it’s a physical impossibility. You’ve been like that before.”

He closed his eyes.

He tilted his head back.

This was too intense for him. Too serious.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I fucking can’t. I can’t do it. Fuck me. Fuck you. I can’t. I just want…”

And at that moment, the comic relief came.

“I just want my mom.”

He almost laughed at himself then, touching knees with this girl was so was not his. He almost was able to laugh at the poor bastard who only wanted simple things: a joint, a kiss. This poor bastard who was so tangled up that moment, that he didn’t know who he wanted a kiss from. But it was so obvious. And so not.

He got up, and began to walk away, his hands shoved deep down into his pockets. He wanted to forget about the last half hour, and about last night, and go back to Wynne, and just sit in her presence. Sometimes just soaking up her sophisticated persona did it for him, filled him up like drink.

He stopped. He wanted to tell her to stay away from him, but he couldn’t get the words out. He wanted to say, “Fuck you,” but he couldn’t do it. He didn’t know what to say. So he walked away.

[Okayyyyyyyyyy I know that was crap but it is late and I am already asleep.]